The Struggle to Get Pregnant, Part One
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This year I vowed that I would be more open about the personal things that were going on in my life. Today I want to talk about my struggle to get pregnant in hopes that someone may come across this and feel like they are not alone. Each of our stories to becoming parents is different and unique, and I am finally ready to share mine.
April 20, 2012, the day that Chris and I finally said I do after three years of dating. The day we stood before God, our family, and our friends and pledged ourselves to each other for eternity. While we were both looking forward to our wedding day, what we were really excited about was what came after. The idea of growing old together and having a family was what both of us were looking forward to the most.
A year and a few months later Chris and I were ready to expand our family. We were certain that it wouldn’t take us long to get pregnant and were surprised when it didn’t happen right away for us. Each month that negative pregnancy test weighed heavily on my heart and I grew more and more frustrated and upset with the process. When the year mark for us trying came around, I felt like a failure as a wife and as a woman. I just couldn’t seem to do the one thing that my body was meant to do: get pregnant.
You see, I felt like I deserved to be a mother. I felt like God owed that to me because I wanted it so badly. As a young girl I never wanted a career, I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom and raise my family. That feeling of entitlement stayed with me the entire first year that Chris and I were trying. I figured that all those girls on 16 and Pregnant had babies without even trying, so why couldn’t I do the same thing?
That sense of entitlement I carried around was one of my biggest problems while trying to get pregnant. Letting go of that and learning to be humble was hard, and it took me a very long time to realize that’s what I needed to do. The lesson that God was trying to teach me was a hard one, but one I desperately needed.
Read part two of our story here.
Oh Teresa, I feel your pain, literally. Hubby and I have been married 5 years after 3 years of dating and started trying to have a family immediately. Two years in we made an appointment with a fertility specialist and, in fact, that was how my blog was born. I needed an outlet but couldn’t write about fertility stuff non-stop, all the time, so I started writing about food. I had no intention of being where I am today with it, although I am grateful that I have been successful. After 3 IUI’s, one with an ectopic pregnancy and having to be on chemotherapy for 3 months to correct the issue, then 5 IVF cycles with two miscarriages (one being twins), I am getting ready to start my 9th round next week. I’m not modest in talking about it- I know a lot of other women are in our shoes. If you ever need a sounding board or to ask questions or just vent, you know where to find me! I’ve literally done every treatment and medication possible at this point! Good luck, we know we will be parents some day, some how, and I have faith you will be too.
Jessica, thank you so much for your comment. I know we’ve talked about this recently but I wanted you to know that I think of you often. I hope your next round of IVF is successful, I cannot imagine going through a miscarriage and I hope you do not have to experience that again. I know you will get your baby some day and I really hope that day is soon for you.