This year I vowed that I would be more open about the personal things that were going on in my life. Today I want to talk about my struggle to get pregnant in hopes that someone may come across this and feel like they are not alone. Each of our stories to becoming parents is different and unique, and I am finally ready to share mine.
April 20, 2012, the day that Chris and I finally said I do after three years of dating. The day we stood before God, our family, and our friends and pledged ourselves to each other for eternity. While we were both looking forward to our wedding day, what we were really excited about was what came after. The idea of growing old together and having a family was what both of us were looking forward to the most.
A year and a few months later Chris and I were ready to expand our family. We were certain that it wouldn’t take us long to get pregnant and were surprised when it didn’t happen right away for us. Each month that negative pregnancy test weighed heavily on my heart and I grew more and more frustrated and upset with the process. When the year mark for us trying came around, I felt like a failure as a wife and as a woman. I just couldn’t seem to do the one thing that my body was meant to do: get pregnant.
You see, I felt like I deserved to be a mother. I felt like God owed that to me because I wanted it so badly. As a young girl I never wanted a career, I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom and raise my family. That feeling of entitlement stayed with me the entire first year that Chris and I were trying. I figured that all those girls on 16 and Pregnant had babies without even trying, so why couldn’t I do the same thing?
That sense of entitlement I carried around was one of my biggest problems while trying to get pregnant. Letting go of that and learning to be humble was hard, and it took me a very long time to realize that’s what I needed to do. The lesson that God was trying to teach me was a hard one, but one I desperately needed.
Read part two of our story here.