The Struggle to Get Pregnant, Part Two
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Thank you so much for the awesome response to my first pregnancy post! If you missed it, you can read it here.
After a year of trying with no signs of being pregnant, I grew weary of the whole ordeal. I was so sad all the time that it was affecting every aspect of my life. One morning, Chris and I were talking and I found out that a casual acquaintance of ours just announced another pregnancy on Facebook. That was the final straw for me. I snapped. I said some pretty nasty things out of anger and resentment and immediately started crying after. Chris just looked at me with….pity (I think?), I couldn’t really tell if he just felt sorry for me or if he was upset with the horrible thoughts I’d just voiced out loud.
After he left for work that day I spent my time filled with self pity and loathing. I looked in the mirror and didn’t like who I had become and I definitely hated how I was acting. I cried out to God a lot that day asking him to heal my heart and to help me to be more patient. I needed His love, guidance, and understanding if I was going to get through this and come out of it a better person.
The next few months were filled with growing experiences for me. While I was still said every month when that dreaded Aunt Flo came to visit, I decided not to let it consume me. And I didn’t. I began to go about my life and think of other things instead of being pregnant all the time. There were times I still cried to Chris and other times where I let myself wallow in self pity a bit, but those times became much fewer and farther in-between as time went on.
I knew that things were getting better for me when my older sister told me she was pregnant in November and I was nothing but happy for her. I danced around the house as we talked on the phone and I couldn’t wait to tell all my friends I was going to be an Aunt again. It was the first time in a really long time that I had felt genuinely happy for someone else’s good fortune, and that was a huge blessing for me.
In December Chris and I were traveling like crazy for the holidays and I, once again, put very little thought into being pregnant. When we were finally home right after Christmas I told Chris that I hadn’t been feeling great and that maybe I should take a pregnancy test. But, because I had cried wolf so many times that he requested I wait a few days and then take a test, which I did.
On January 2nd in a Target bathroom, those two little lines appeared on a test. I just couldn’t wait to know until I got home so taking it in the store was the next best option for me. Shaking, not quite believing what I was seeing I walked out to the car and called Chris to see if I could head over to his work to give him something. When I got there I pulled out the pregnancy test, shouted “SEE! I TOLD YOU!”, and laughed at the look of shock and disbelief on his face.
To be honest, I’m still having a really hard time believing that I’m pregnant. I think it must be because we have waited so long for this to happen that it’s almost surreal at this point. I am 17 weeks today and can’t believe I’m almost to the halfway point on this incredible journey. Maybe I’ll start feeling more like a mommy-to-be once I start to feel the baby kick (which should be soon!).
With all that though, I am still so thankful that God has entrusted Chris and I with one of His children. He truly picked me up, carried me, and gave me everything I needed during one of the most difficult times of my life. I have always had trouble trusting in His timing but I think that was the lesson I had to learn before having a baby. My timeline was not important. God would give us a baby when His time was right. I’m just so thankful that the time is right now.
Congratulations Teresa! I wish you an your husband nothing more than a blessed, wonderful pregnancy and a beautiful healthy baby! What a blessing it is to bring a child into the world, and so much more after so much time and prayer. Good luck and lots of well wishes! And yes, those baby kicks are coming soon…and they won’t go away until that bundle of joy is in your arms. Its the best feeling ever! 🙂
Thank you so much Tenns! I cannot wait to feel baby kicks, and I’m still waiting for them! 🙂
I’m so glad you’re sharing this story! I am so excited for you and I know it’ll start to feel real soon enough 🙂
Thank you, Madison! This one was a hard one to write but I’m so glad I did! And you’re right, I’m slowly starting to feel better (finally!). 😀
Congratulations! I must have missed your other post, but I loved reading your story. God has mysterious ways…wishing you all the best for the rest of your pregnancy.
Thank you so much, Teresa!
It is so wonderful to read your story and know that others have gone through the same thing, and it’s made it more fulfilling and happy for them to find out that their wait has paid off. 🙂 I know God’s in control, but we are struggling with this right now. My husband and I have only been married a little over a year, and there are so many other things that I’m trying to focus on, but we both can’t wait to be parents. It’s been difficult because we both have factors that make it harder for us to have a baby (much harder), so while we haven’t been trying that long, I get discouraged each month. I’m trying to have faith, and reading your story makes it so much easier to. 🙂 Thank you for being so open! I’m so happy for you!!!
I am so sorry to hear this Gennie. Please know that I am praying for you and your husband and I truly hope that you will have a baby when the time is right (hopefully soon). I know how hard it is to wait but when it does happen for you it will be so worth all the struggles. If you ever need someone to listen please don’t hesitate to reach out. I wish you all the best and thank you so much for your sincere congratulations!
Please don’t get discouraged! It is a very hard thing to actually do, I know, but eventually all your patience and the heartache each month will pay off. It took me 15 months to get pregnant the first time, and we’ve been trying 2 years now for a second child …. It is very, very hard to wait, but I know The Lord has already determined how many children our family should have, and when their birthdays should be. When the time is right you will become parents, and there must be a reason you’re having to wait a bit more than you’d like. Everything will work out, it always does. Good Luck with everything you and your husband are working on! 🙂
Also, I’ve never been to your blog before – but I clicked over and see a pizza recipe I’m going to have to try! Yum! I’m going to bookmark and browse around now!
Congratulations!! That’s so exciting!! God’s timing is always perfect 🙂
It most definitely is! Thank you so much, Crystal!
Congratulations! I am pregnant with #3 and am 16 weeks currently. I can only imagine how you feel after trying for so long – we only tried for a few months with our first, and it was such an emotional roller coaster every month. I’m excited for you!
I can completely relate it it being such an emotional roller coaster every month! Especially when you want something so badly. Congratulations on #3! How exciting! Thank you so much for your sweet congratulations. 🙂
Thank you, thank you, thank you for this post! And the first one, and the future ones. I thought I would just give you a public thanks there – because it really is good to know there are others that have struggled and felt the same emotions during the TTC game, and there is light at the end of the tunnel, eventually …. 🙂 It’s the patiently waiting part that’s so hard!
And, I LOVE how your baby story is turning out – finding out in the Target seems so perfectly unplanned, that it’s going to make for a wonderful story for the baby book. I’m looking forward to the rest of your posts, and seeing baby pictures eventually!! You’re going to have one adorable Disney Prince or Princess!
(When I found out I was expecting John, I had horrible motion sickness the day before, and could barely eat anything without feeling bleh, and when I tested the next day it was unclear, so I had to visit the WallyMart to buy something very clear and dummy proof. But I also was craving doughnuts, and they didn’t have any yet, so I cried on the way home about not having doughnuts, then took my 4 different tests and left them there and made Johnny go look. I didn’t have to, I already knew after my doughnut sadness there was a little person mooching all my energy making me bonkers. Haha! 😀 )
Thank you, Amy! Our story is truly one that is unique to us. Maybe I’ll get around to blogging about the rest of it sometime soon, because there is (of course) more to share! It’s just an incredible journey that I am so thankful to be on!
You’re right, the waiting to get pregnant is definitely the worst part! Especially when you just want something so badly and can’t understand why it’s not happening for you yet. But there are so many people that go through it, even if it’s not talked about very often!
hahaha I love that you knew already because of the donuts with John! Isn’t it crazy that we just end up knowing these things?